First Day of School Pictures :)

First Week of School

The week that was much anticipated has come and gone; Maddie finished her first week of school. At her age, she doesn't get those anxious butterflies that I remember so well; both as a student and later as a teacher. She only feels excited. And why wouldn't she be? Her day consists of circle time, potty breaks, outside play, snacks, lunch, music and movement. Sounds pretty awesome if you ask me. I dressed her on Tuesday and then took the obligatory picture in front of the front door. This tradition has been in my family for as long as I can remember and last year I didn't quite get that photo, as I was in the hospital giving birth! So, this year, we have the picture and the memory.

On a different note, I've been spending this week worried/obsessing about the flu shot. It's such a nightmare for me because of all the sicknesses we've been through with Maddie. Not to mention that because of her asthma, she is considered high-risk. So, there seems to be no choice. This morning we have appointments to get both her and I the flu shot. I figure I have to get it because I don't really want to put something in her body that I wouldn't put in mine. Grace has a yucky, runny nose, so I plan to postpone her shot until she's well. Even if it's just a teething runny nose, I'm not taking my chances.

I had some real fun this week too. Siobhan and I made a date and went out to the movies; just us! We are always together with at least 4 kids in tow and it was nice to be without the baggage :) We saw "Julie & Julia" and it was the best! Makes me want to cook up a storm. I'll let you all know if/when that happens. The other fun thing was last night. Sandy offered to take the girls for a couple of hours after their naps (my least favorite time of day; hard to entertain as I've done it the whole day long at that point). Gabe and I got to eat a peaceful dinner without an Elmo serenade in the background. Then we headed off to the driving range. Yup, the driving range. Now, you're probably wondering how I possibly had fun there, but I did. You see, it's a range where there's a seat right behind the golfer. The breeze was blowing and sun was setting and I had my book with me. I just sat and read and enjoyed looking up to see Gabe doing something he loves. It was peaceful. It was awesome.

All in all, it's been a good week. Starting to really feel better physically and trying to be present and grateful for all the little things.

Some thoughts

Oh, there are so many thoughts I've been having lately. The fact is that our thoughts can really affect our lives and so mine have got to get under control and stop being so....awful. That's the truth. In the midst of this health issue that I have, I'm finding that I'm not as "strong" as I once believed myself to be. What I mean is that I don't have to be. I'm allowing myself to be a little more needy; of my husband, family and friends. It's hard for me. Hard for me to need help, or extra time to get tasks done that I did so effortlessly a few weeks ago. Because I believe that what you think will come to pass, I've decided my thinking needs to be along the lines of being healthy; fully back to normal. I believe this can happen; not only that, but that it will happen.

To help myself, yesterday I suggested a family walk in a wooded natural park. It was amazing. It felt like I hadn't been out of the house in forever and I needed all that green, and peace, and quiet. It was magical. We walked and walked until we got to the boardwalk. In the midst of that fresh air I found myself hopeful. Like I knew that I will feel better at some point. That's where I want to keep my head today; in a place of hopefulness and gratitude for all that I do have. Grateful for the walk I had yesterday and the one I will take today...

Happy 1st Birthday!

Dear Gracie,
Today you turn 1 and it's hard to believe. You are such a joy and a blessing to our little family. Last year on this day I was so anxious and excited to meet you; I had no idea who you'd turn out to be. Today you are extremely happy; that is the first thing people notice/say about you. You say "mama" all the time and do not like me to leave the room. You sleep A LOT! Your Uncle Dan thinks this is funny. You can walk and you do it pretty fast; it almost looks like you're floating. In the mornings, we can hear you in your crib trying to touch the doorknob and we inevitably hear your sister telling you "open the door Grace Face." Your Daddy and I always laugh at this! You love water! You are enamored with sippy cups and you love to drink them dry. You have tried yogurt and oatmeal for the first time in the last 2 days and you've enjoyed them both. In fact, today you smell like maple & brown sugar from breakfast when you put oatmeal in your left ear :) So messy but it made you so happy. That's what I want to teach you; that your messes in life can be your greatest joys; Don't be afraid to dig in. I love you more than I ever knew would be possible. Happy Birthday my sweet, baby Grace.

Ugh

That pretty much sums up the last 2 weeks. It's been one doctor appointment after another... and I'm still not well. Being well is so relative though. I'm very well considering the large amount of ailments and maladies that people live with every day. But, for my own sake and sanity, I'm incredibly uncomfortable most of the time and I'm really ready to learn the lesson and move on. I've been reading, praying and talking to people nonstop about all of this and I'm tired. Exhausted is really the word; emotionally and physically. I told someone today that I keep it together pretty well during the day and then have an average of one breakdown per night, complete with sobbing. I'm not only uncomfortable but I'm a baby. I just want to be taken care of and I want to feel better. I'm so used to being the care-giver not the care-taker and it's a different role. One that I'm not totally comfortable with. I feel like if I lean on others too much, they will get sick of it and then when I really need help, they won't have anything left to give. Is that crazy? Then, I think that if the tables were turned and Gabe (or anyone else that I love dearly) needed me, I would be there. I wouldn't hesistate and if they were dealing with a medical mystery I wouldn't have a time limit in mind of just how long I'd be available for help. It's ridiculous.

Today I decided to just be positive with my thoughts about whatever is going on within my body. That seemed to work because I did have peace for a while and the belief that God is in control and I'm surrendered (okay surrendering would be more true). The lesson has to be 'letting go' which is the #1 thing I'm not good at. Makes sense for me to try to learn it now...