*This has been edited recently*
There you have it. I'm in this weird space where I'm really missing home. Of course I miss the family and friends that are there, but lately I miss something else. I miss the land- the redwood trees, hills, ocean, fog, vineyards, etc. It's a strange longing that I'm feeling; sort of like missing someone you love. I'm having a hard time with it because we are coming home in March, but I feel myself wishing I could just come there alone for a short time sooner. Probably because it's not something that can happen, I want it even more. I realize that I'm also sad about the fact that Maddie and Gracie will never know my home as theirs. They are being raised on a totally different coast; their home is Virginia. Don't get me wrong. There are times where I see beauty here and I think that I'm lucky to live in such a nice part of the country-but again, it's not where I'm from and truly the beauty of Sonoma County is hard to compete with. I miss other aspects of home too. I miss the laid back style of people-both in how their attitudes are as well as the way they dress. I miss really great food and local wine. About twice a year I feel this way. This time is quite strong and I'm trying to just let it go. My reality is Virginia-not California and thinking about all the things I miss and wish for will not make them so. Like I said, I'm in a strange place and I'm not sure where to go...
3 comments:
Sarah, you're so brave and strong. I'm really impressed that you are able to handle everything so well. It's only when you see it written out that you realise that you have been through an amount emotionally recently and that going through the daily motions of taking care of everyone else leaves very little time for caring for yourself. I'm so proud of you that you've come to the realisation that now is the time for you.
Please do take the time to feel happy within yourself again. It's from within that you get the seemingly endless fount of love and caring that you're able to share and bestow upon the rest of your family. You must take care of you.
I'm not as eloquent as you are at writing what I'm thinking and feeling, but I do understand much more than you may imagine (homesickness and new baby ;) ). It is a process that needs to be gone through and when you get to the other side it will be completely worth it I'm sure. As you say some things won't change, i.e. your longing for home, but over time one hopes that it will ease.
Thank you for sharing and for letting others know how you're feeling and for giving us the opportunity to help you in any way we can.
Big Hugs pet :)and Lots of Love Always xxx
Siobhan,
You have no idea how much it means to me that you would respond to what I've written. It seems that maybe no one else who has read it knew what to say to me. I'm really trying to take care of me (especially now that I have a cold) but it's difficult. As you know, time for us and us alone is hard to come by-and often if we get any we find ourselves feeling guilty for it! Your thoughtfulness is felt from your words even though you're miles away. Miss you guys :) Love, Sarah
Sar,
Two things come to mind:
One is to remember that you do have a "home" that never changes no matter where you live on this planet. Having the assurance of "going home" someday helps deal with the day-to-day feelings and longings. Yet, I can understand how you miss California.
Second, try to be thankful for where you are right now. Although we all have bad days and get distracted, intentionally count your blessings: two beautiful and healthy daughters, a loving, dedicated husband (and a good cook), super grandparents nearby, family members that are only a plane ride away and think of you often, great friends, the dogs, and a gorgeous part of the world to live in.
Christmas is such a special time. As you miss home, dwell on the real meaning of Christmas. I'll bet that enjoying your family and serving others will provide great joy and many blessings.
Don't forget how much God loves you - even when you long for places that He created :)
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