The "Run In"

It's been a pretty busy week so far. We had our new stove delivered yesterday (love it!) and right now some men are power washing the house. Our garden is planted and the new grill has already been put to good use. Gabe says that "things are really starting to come together around here;" good thing it only took us 3 years!
But, to get to the point of my post. Today I experienced a "run in." If you know me, you may know that I don't really love to run into people when I'm out doing errands, etc. Not sure why. I'm weird, but most of you know that too. So, Grace and I had just dropped Maddie off at school and we needed to go to a store to get some jean shorts and a white shirt for Maddie to wear at her last day of school next week (she's in a performance and this is what they asked her to wear). There I was sitting out in front of the store waiting for it to open with Grace happy in the stroller. Two women came up behind us and were waiting while also carrying on a conversation. Their convo has something about Chick 1's hair at the center of it and Chick 2 is complimenting her relentlessly. At this point they see Grace and then they sort of round the corner to see me. Suddenly we realize that all of our kids are in the same class at school. I've talked to Chick 1 before (several times and have made attempts to have our girls play together since they seem to love each other-hasn't ever happened) but never to Chick 2. She always seemed "out there" and really into talking to others about her work out habits and homemade chips. Can you tell we have nothing in common??? So, we made quick, small talk and then went on our separate ways into the store.
I wasn't uncomfortable while we were talking, but after some thought, I am. I started to think "they're weird." But, then I had an epiphany. I'm weird! I like to keep to myself (just me and my baby). I don't like to have long convo's about my hair or anyone else's for that matter. I realized that they are both out of baby mode (their youngest are Maddie's age), well into their mid-thirties, and they are just a different kind of mom than me. To give a clearer picture, these are the same two Chicks I overheard at drop off one morning telling each other how they were going to the gym that night, but maybe they would tell there husbands they were going to the gym but not really go. They would go out together instead. I remember thinking, "Can't you tell your husband the truth? That you want to see a friend rather than work out?" Bizarre. So, I think that I originally felt weird because I felt like they are a clique and I don't fit in. But then, after thinking about it more I've realized that I'm not interested in being a member of a group that focuses on working out, hair dilemmas and husband trickery. I'm good on my own :)

This weeks accomplishments (so far)

Grace and I have both had a pretty successful week so far. She has gained agility at pulling herself up to stand next to things and I got my teaching license renewal in the mail-good until 2014! :) Feeling very proud...of us both :)

Mail

We went to the mailbox to see what had been delivered. Can you guess a theme in our home? Maddie wanted to look at these privately, but her little sis had other ideas! :)

My Girls

Here are a couple of videos of the girls yesterday. Grace is being crazy during her dinner and Maddie shares her rendition of the ABC's. Enjoy!

Today

I have to admit that I've been really bored lately. Bored with everything. TV shows, magazines, books, grocery shopping, life. That really sounds like complaining and maybe it is. Everyone is allowed to complain now and then; as long as it doesn't become habit. So, today I was bound and determined not to let another day go by being bored. Don't get me wrong. There are highlights to my boredom; Maddie reading her bible by saying "Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus..." as she looks at every page. Or Gracie crawling into my lap and grinning from ear to ear. But, while both of them are adorable beyond words and my life is pretty simple and good, there are some weeks when it sort of lags on. Kind of like I live between preparing meals for each of them, cleaning up after said meals, changing diapers, waiting for one or both to wake from naps so that we can go somewhere, going somewhere only to realize one of them is tired again, blah, blah, blah... you get the drift. Back to me not being bored today, I took one look at my Kitchen Aid mixer and decided to put it to good use. I told Maddie, "we are making cookies today!" She was thrilled. Or, maybe she was a little excited and became thrilled when suddenly I handed her a spatula after we had made the dough, and told her to "go for it." Her big blue eyes looked at me, unsure, and then she was a little girl in heaven with oatmeal, chocolate chip dough everywhere. It was awesome. It was so fun because it's one of those things (making cookies) that you look forward to doing with your kids...but they have to be old enough. Maddie is old enough now and we had a blast :) Great day and maybe it brought me out of my funk. I'll let you know tomorrow. Here's a picture of the cookies as they came out of the oven. The one at the bottom right was snagged by Cookie Monster (Gabe) before I could grab the camera. Classic.

It can be...

a thankless job! I think I'll just leave it at that. Can you tell what kind of day I've had???

I.O.U.

I meant to write a post on Mother's Day. I meant to put a letter in the mail. I meant to sign up for an ASL class. I meant to... That seems to be my theme lately. After getting the wisdom teeth out, it took me longer to recover than I think everyone anticipated. Happy to say that for the last 3 days I haven't had to take any med's for pain (yay!). So, now that I'm back to normal (whatever that is) I thought I'd get around to the things I've been meaning to say and just haven't. I think I'll do it in list form since that truly captures my personality (I love a good list):

1. I'm worried about the end of preschool (June 4) for summer break. I love Maddie completely, but these 3 mornings a week with just Grace and I are amazing. She is my little side-kick (much like Mad was at this age).
   
2. I'm wondering how we will fill those long 13 weeks of summer.
3. I had a great mother's day and realized that I'm keeping the card my husband wrote to me, forever.
   
4. I'm not worrying about where Gracie wants to sleep anymore. She loves the basement (slept there last night for 14 hours straight!) and I'm not fixing something that ain't broke, if you know what I'm saying.
5. I'm planning to take an ASL class because for a while now something has been calling me to do so... Not sure, but really intrigued.
   
6. As of this afternoon I will have officially mailed in/submitted my form/documentation for renewing my teaching license (yay!)
7. I cannot believe that Grace is 8 months old. She is pulling up to stand all the time! They say it goes by fast, but I think the second time is even faster.

I think that's about everything I've been daydreaming to blog. I know I've said this before, but I want/need to blog about what's going on more. I will. I mean to and I will.

Wanting to get it right

I am FINALLY feeling better from my wisdom teeth surgery and so I thought it was time to get back to blogging. Here goes. The girls are not doing well at sharing a room. Actually, to be more honest, Gabe and I are not doing a good job at training them to share a room. We've been taking the easy route. Here's the truth. Every day Grace takes her morning nap in her crib in the room her and Maddie share. That's an easy one because Maddie isn't in there at that time. But, since Grace was small (born) she has enjoyed sleeping in her pack-and-play in the basement. It's super quiet, totally dark and there aren't any two year old's talking her ear off while she drifts off to sleep. She is now 8 months old (in 2 days) and my fear that she has become so accustomed to the basement and therefore won't sleep in her bedroom has become a reality. Here's the point. When the day is long and I'm counting the minutes until peace comes over my home (bedtime), the last thing I want to do is listen to Grace cry while Maddie simultaneously talks to her and yells for me. It's exhausting. I've been doing some reading tonight and it seems that the only way to solve this is to stick it out. Let the baby cry, let Maddie yell. But that seems so daunting because there are days when my whole day feels like I'm "sticking it out." To think that I have to end it that way seems like torture. Gabe has a whole other perspective. He thinks it's fine that Grace likes the basement for bedtime. He thinks that she'll sleep in her crib at night when she's ready and the fact that she takes a loooooooooong morning nap in it means that she can sleep there just fine.
So, what is it then? What is it about me/my personality that desperately wants to get things right? I cannot leave well enough alone. I have friends who are talking/blogging about not getting any sleep and I'm complaining because my kids get an abundant 11+ hours only in separate rooms!?! Any advice or thoughts would be much appreciated. Am I worrying about something that is nothing; meaning, Grace will eventually sleep in her room when the time is right? Or, is it best to try to break the basement habit now and just deal with the growing pains of sharing a room?

Fear

I'll just lay it out there. I'm scared. I'm terrified. I have "the fear." Tomorrow I have to wake up, get Mad ready for school, get the baby up and feed her and then I have to go get my wisdom teeth taken out. This may be my worst fear. Now, I should be specific here. I'm actually not super scared of the actual teeth pulling; it's the whole anesthesia thing that's getting to me. The what-if's have been haunting me: What if they use so much anesthesia that I have trouble breathing and can't wake up? What if they use too little and I wake up to them yanking a tooth from my head? What if these teeth actually made me wiser? etc. You know, ridiculous, waste of time thoughts. Also, I've never been "put to sleep" as I keep saying, to which my sister said "you are not a dog and your not going to die." Nice sentiment but because I've never been sedated like this, I am fearful. It's that whole unknown thing that's gotten to me. Everyone I tell this to reassures me (in their own special way). As Gabe put it, "I've never heard of anyone dying from getting their wisdom teeth out." So, that thought will carry me through the night into tomorrow then into the oral surgeons chair. If you believe in prayer, please pray for me not only during surgery (11:30am EST) but also for a fast recovery.... Is it okay to say that I want my mommy now?

Busy

I know there are people in the world who thrive on being busy. I am not one of those people. Sure, I like having things to look forward to (a trip somewhere, playing in a park, etc.) but I don't have a strong desire to fill my days to capacity. Which is why the last couple of weeks have been trying. This online class feels like it has taken over my life. I'm behind on emails, I have no idea what's going on on Desperate Housewives, and my desire to take photo's of every moment of my children's' lives is waning. Basically, I've been busy. So, here's to the fact that today I'm going to be a good kind of busy. The kind of busy that involves baking a cake with my 2 year old for my hubby. The kind that involves trying to take a great picture of the two munchkins to give as a present to said hubby. And, the kind of busy that means I have to get everything done in order to go out and celebrate with him. Here's to Gabe being 31 today and to me being busy in the best kind of way.

Link for Good Morning America Story

If you missed (or want to see again) the segment filmed on Sunday for Good Morning America, you can click below to watch. Enjoy :)

Click here to watch :)

Easter

Just wanted to post and say "Happy Easter" to everyone. It's been busy around here for the last week or so; I started a class online (to renew my teaching license), my wedding anniversary, out late to celebrate said anniversary, Maddie's day at the Barn, and now Easter! Lot's going on. Here's a few pic's I wanted to share and also the link to see the California pictures from last month. Be forewarned that there are A LOT of pictures of the ocean (Gabe got carried away...but who can blame him). Today is such a celebration for us and we remember that "He is Risen!"

Click here for California Pictures.

Yesterday

Need I say more?

Verge

That's where I'm at; the Verge. The fact that I attempt to manage it all so effortlessly is not working. It takes a great deal of effort to keep things going and for the past few days (probably longer if you ask Gabe) I've begun to feel frustrated. Or maybe it's impatience that I feel. Probably a bit of both. See this is the week. The one week anniversary of when our lives changed. They say that relapsing around the one year anniversary is high for some reason and I suppose that goes for spouses in recovery as well. Relapse. Right back to all my old ways. The irritable, deep sighing, bone tired me. The me that I don't like at all. That's tough to admit. To say out loud that I don't like me. I'm really struggling with this right now. Can't seem to turn my mind off of the way I want to be vs. the way I really am. And, don't get me wrong-perfection is not what I'm seeking. But a sort of manageability would be nice. It just goes to show you that recovery is HARD. That whole "no one said it was going to be easy" line comes to mind. It's hard because change is tough and it ain't instant; it's takes a while and clearly longer than one year. So, here I am a year later and while I'm sure those around me could name ways I've changed, it's hard for me to see it myself. And, I don't even think that I'm that critical of me! Who knows... Regardless, that's where I am. The Verge of figuring stuff out while learning that there's so much more to know. The knowing that I'm too hard on myself but still expecting to be better. The beginning of another year of sobriety and all that it will entail. Our wedding anniversary is next week so in a lot of ways it's the beginning of another year of marriage too; and if we can make it through what we've already conquered, I'd say we'll be just fine.

Time flies

Well, we've already been here for 6 days and it is flying by. I knew it would be this way. I always want the days to feel long and the nights short so that I get more "awake" time being here. As I sit here and type this, my view is amazing. I'm looking out onto a quiet country road with green everywhere I look. The grass, plants and the tall-growingl Redwoods surround us here. Being with family has been awesome. Watching my Mom with my Maddie is unlike any relationship I've ever observed. They are connected. The way you want your kids to be with your mom; a dream come true. Tomorrow morning we'll wake up and be off to spend time at my Dad's house. I'll be sad to leave this place; I always am. I'm storing up the memories to get me through until we come back in July...

Practice makes Perfect

Dentist: Madeline
Patient: Mommy

That's Maddie and I "practicing" for her to go to the dentist yesterday. I explained to her that he was going to look at her teeth and count them. Then, he'd give her some stickers. She thought it sounded good, but wanted to practice with my teeth. After I took this picture, she said the dentist would check my "eyes, ears, nose, and eyebrows." I told her I'd never heard of a dentist checking eyebrows, and she just giggled. Pretty cute. So, today Gabe took her to the dentist for 3 reasons. #1, it's his childhood dentist and he wanted to stroll down memory lane. #2, Grace had her 6 month check up scheduled at the same time. #3, I knew she'd scream and activities that cause her to scream are deemed Daddy Duty in our house. The report is that she did cry, but she let him count, clean and fluoride treat her teeth. No cavities (yay!) and she needs to floss more (gets ya every time). Also, her top teeth are pushing out a bit because she sucks her fingers-no surprise there. She comes from a mother who had braces TWO TIMES and sucked her thumb until she was 9. There you have it. As Gabe took Maddie, I took Grace for her appointment, which of course included shots. Many shots. And an oral vaccine. That's another thing that people neglect to tell you when you're having a baby. How awful it is every 3 months of their first year of life going to the dr. and injecting them what seems a bazillion times. Grace recovers well though. Usually smiling by the time we get off the elevator and walk through the parking lot. So, we're really just on the countdown to California now. We leave day after tomorrow and the packing has officially begun. Not feeling stressed about first time flying with 2 kids... yet. Grace is at a good age because she isn't crawling or walking, so she's usually pretty content in her car seat. Maddie will be entertained by her DVD player, crayons, snacks and few "surprises" I always bring to keep her occupied. Off to run errands and looking forward to a night where neither Gabe nor I have a meeting to go to! Just some time together.

Gracie (6 months old)

Silly Gracie

Gotta get a new cleaning lady

This has been on my mind for, oh say, about 10 months (if not more). Our cleaning lady is also an employee at dog school and that makes the "firing" of her a little trickier than letting a stranger go. Here's the point and let me know if you agree. We have asked her to come at 12pm every other Wednesday. This has been the schedule for at the least the 2 and half years that we've lived in our home. Each time she shows up, it's at a different time. Sometimes as late as 2pm!!! That is impossible to deal with. I have 2 kids that definitely need naps and so I had asked her to come at 12pm because I thought she could clean before they needed to sleep. Well, since she comes late, more often than not, one kid is sleeping in the basement and one is sleeping in her room. This means that the entire basement, a bedroom, and one full bathroom doesn't get cleaned... and I still pay the same amount of money! That seems like a rip off. Can I get an Amen? So, the plan that we sort of forged today is to have Gabe tell her tomorrow at dog school that we are tight on money (isn't everyone?) and that I'll just do the cleaning for now. And, it's partially true. I do A LOT of cleaning on a normal basis (OCD anyone?) and for what we pay her we could probably get a whole crew of cleaners to do it in half the time and on time-which would seem like a luxury! So, that's the plan. It's hard to cut ties like this, but it's been irking me for so long and today I'm definitely at my rope's end. That's what happens when you're up with your chronic coughing daughter til 10pm at night all the while debating if going to California next month will even be doable? If she isn't better, then the trip seems too hard from the get. For example, how are we supposed to fly on a plane for 6 hours if she needs a neb treatment every 4 hours? Confusion and anxiety do not make for restful sleep. Sorry for the complaining- really trying to work on that!

Happy Love Day

Valentines Day is upon us and ours is pretty much like most days. Although, my husband did come home from his meeting this morning to bring me a dozen dark pink roses and Maddie a little stuffed puppy. He said he was trying to think of what to get Grace, but we both sort of laughed. Clearly she won't remember today and not only that, what says "I love you" to a 5 month old? Oh yeah, a bottle and a hug :) So, today is good. Tomorrow Gabe and I are taking Maddie to see Disney on Ice. We are pretty excited to see the look on her face when she sees Bickey and Mimi in real life (translation Mickey and Minnie). Grace will stay with her grandparents and Maddie will have us all to herself. Sounds like true love to me.

Been a while

I've been a slacker blogger lately and for that I apologize. But, since this has been the home of all sicknesses (cold/cough, pink eye, and one bout of 24 hour throwing up bug) I've been a bit busy. We are doing better and since one of my resolutions is to complain less, I'll leave it at that. Last night Gabe and I had our weekly date night and the plan was for us each to go to our prospective meetings and then out to dinner. Well, as we left the house we came to a stop light and I noticed a man at a bus stop who had just pushed (possible punched) a woman in the face. At first I wasn't sure about what I'd seen, but as the light continued to be red, he continued to yell, scream and invade the woman's personal space. We called 911. The officer promised to send someone ASAP but I told Gabe we should park and watch because if they left or something worse happened I wanted to be able to tell the police. They left the bus stop and started walking towards a shopping center where we followed them and watched as the man attacked her from behind. He hit her in the head and Gabe got out of the car and yelled for me to call the police again. I did and they were there in a few minutes. I was yelling for Gabe to get back in the car (this man he wanted to approach was obviously a maniac). I had seen on TV that instead of getting into an altercation with the aggressor, you should simply offer the victim a ride or a way to get out of the situation. As I was preparing to do that, the cops got there. We drove away, too late for our meetings to go and headed to dinner. The cops called me and said that the couple was saying that nothing happened and that they are totally fine and in love. I have to say that I'm not surprised that happened. I've heard/learned/read about the fact that often if the man is in trouble for domestic violence the woman won't testify/agree about the violence because once he gets out of jail the abuse she'll suffer will be 100 x's worse. What an awful way to live. It hurt me to watch someone being so abused-right on a public street no less. It's hard for me to understand that kind of relationship and also for me to understand why people can be so harmful to one another. I told Gabe that this is too urban of an environment for me. I'm not naive; I know that crime, domestic disputes, etc. happen in every community, but it was a lot to take in. I still believe it was the right thing to do to call the police. I don't think anyone should ever stand by and think that it's not their business, etc. It's left me with a sour taste in my mouth, but at the same time I think we did the right thing. Opinions?