Day 203

Okay, so it's safe to say that blogging every day is pretty difficult! Even taking 1 picture to share every day has proven hard. But, with this weekends birthday festivities, I'm sure the pictures will abound :) That being said, today I wanted to write-blog to share a feeling I encountered recently...

I had an experience recently where I was with other people, that I know well, but felt totally out of place. I felt like my part in the conversation was forced, that I was trying to be who I think they think I am, and that frankly, it was exhausting. There was the usual chatter about husbands, kids & recipes but I felt like it didn't ring true. Meaning, it's easy to talk about all that other stuff and not talk about how one is feeling about all that stuff. I guess I've sort of moved into a space where I just want to be real with people and I really, really want them to be real with me. I want to know that life can be hard for them, that there kids drive them nuts & that their husbands can be real pains in the butts...it would make me feel more "normal."

On the flip side, I have a dear friend with whom I had a very real conversation recently and it made me love her even more. She shared her heart with me; she talked of the tough parts of marriage and it made me feel compassion for her. It made me feel something and because of that, I felt connected. I think that's what this all boils down to; everyone wants to feel connected and that whatever they are going through has been gone through before. Everyone wants to be heard and I know for myself, I want to listen.

I'm learning (slowly) that my time is precious; that I want to spend it with people who really know me, get me and love me right where I am. It's not to say that the first group of people mentioned don't know me, it's just a different version of me-the one where I seem all put together (which I can be) but not all of the time. People who know the real you, have seen you cry, they know things the rest of the world may not know just by looking at you, & they love you anyway.