Friday, August 21, 2009


I haven't blogged in over a week and that's due to several factors. My mom is here :), Gabe and I went to NYC for 2 nights, and I've been sick. So, because I'm still getting better I'm going to postpone blogging until I feel better. Probably a day or two...

Monday, August 10, 2009


Gracie turned 11 months over the weekend and it blew my mind. Where has the time gone? Seriously. This is that whole thing that people (the generation before us) warn us about...they say cliche things like "it goes in the blink of an eye" or "one day they're in diapers and the next you're walking them down the aisle." And we grown, sort of roll our eyes and promise to capture each moment in a snapshot so that it doesn't feel that way.

So, here we are. The month before we pass the exiting babyhood, welcome to toddler hood sign on the freeway of life. Ugh. I'm not ready for this...but I am. When I first had her, I couldn't wait for her to grow up. I had all these fantasies of her and Maddie playing together, talking for hours in their room, confiding in one another. While I still continue to hold onto these grandeur's of illusion, I'm confounded by the fact that they are fast approaching; like, too fast. I not only want her to still want me, but I need her to. She's my baby. Her name has been "baby Grace" from the beginning. "Toddler Grace" doesn't have the same ring to it.

Because I want to remember her exactly as she is now, here are some facts about my little girl. Gracie, at 11 months you:
  • are one of the lights of my life; I cannot wait to hold you each morning
  • can practically walk; maybe 4 or 5 steps in a row, but they are fast steps. You have a lot of momentum
  • say "ba ba ba ba..." all the time. You can say "mama" "dada" and "bubba" too.
  • smile all the time and your 2 little bottom teeth show which cracks me up! Those are the only teeth you have now.
  • love animals; especially dogs (no surprise there) and often get into their crates (just like your big sister did)
  • want to eat real food now more than baby food
  • suck the same 2 fingers as your sister and have a favorite "nigh-nigh."
  • LOVE water; dog bowl water, bathtub water, pool water, sippy cup love it all.
  • have dirty diapers that can clear a room; we call you "toxic" from time to time :)
  • get red eyelids when you're tired; it's a tell-tale sign. You get that from me.
  • are a mommy's girl through and through. This was predicted by your Nonnie when you were 3 days old and has turned out to be very true.
  • make me feel loved
Happy 11 months Gracie girl!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

From Sorrow to Joy

A friend of mine confided in me that her husband was going to attend his first meeting last night. I was thrilled for them.

See, when Gabe first started going to meetings, I had no idea the miracles that would soon follow. I thought it was a life sentence; a change that he would have to make but one that wouldn't affect me too much. Well, I was totally wrong and I'm so thankful for that!

Yesterday I decided I needed to pray for this couple and especially this man who was about to start on the journey that is recovery. As I prayed, I began to cry. I was immediately taken back to that April night when Gabe came clean (pun intended). I remembered how scared, alone, angry and embarrassed I felt. I remembered thinking that my marriage was over and that I would now be having this baby on my own (I was 5 months pregnant with Grace). Then, I remember having a feeling that I would be okay; that we would be okay. I can't explain the sense of calm that I had. I felt that my love for Gabe was stronger than addiction and I was willing if he was.

The next few months after that night were a whirlwind of meetings, sponsorship, church services, doctor appointments...etc. It hit me as I was praying yesterday that I've lived and seen a miracle occur in front of my eyes. I've watched a man come to sobriety and in turn, come to God. The fact that he has stayed sober for 16 months now is no accident. It's hard work. It takes a lot of time and I firmly believe it takes God. No person is strong enough on their own. So, yesterday I was realizing how completely grateful I am and how much I take Gabe's sobriety for granted. He makes it look so easy when at times it has been so hard. I'm amazed by him, but also by God. Looking back on that night and all that I thought I had lost was really just the introduction to all that I would gain.

" Him be the glory..." Ephesians 3:21