I need to write today. This overwhelming feeling of sadness and grief over the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings has really gotten to me. I feel depressed.
The thoughts keep returning; every time I look at Maddie. She is 6 years old. She is in Kindergarten. She went to school Friday, with excitement and joy. It breaks my heart that there are mothers right now who can no longer say "Good Morning" to their children. I cannot fathom it.
So, I live in a bit of denial by keeping super busy, not watching too much news, and listening to uplifting Christmas music in the car. But, I keep thinking of them. Those children. Those teachers.
I felt scared to let Maddie go today. We drove over to school and I prayed out loud for her and her safety. I pray for her a lot on the way to school each day, but of course today it felt necessary. She is so unaware of this tragedy. She is excited for Christmas, and library today, and her sandwich with a new flavor of jam. She is light, carefree and happy. It's all a mother could want.
I am trying to do as my Mom suggested; "lean into" my faith. It is hard in moments like these. I have cried each day while praying for God to please bring peace. I've prayed that I cannot understand this; I've been angry with Him. I've pleaded for a change in this world. I went to church yesterday and prayed that our nation would sense a healing that only He can bring.
Today, life continues on. I will keep putting one foot in front of the other. I will keep praying silently, out loud and with tears. I will keep my faith. That is really all I can do...