Wednesday, January 25, 2012

3rd time around. {vent}

So, it's begun.  The unsolicited advice portion of pregnancy.  That part where strangers as well as people who know me start to give me input on what it's like to have three kids.  This crap infuriates me.  Don't get me wrong; I've often referred to this pregnancy as the "b*&%h-on-wheels" one.  So, the fact that people giving me opinions and sharing stories about their 3rd, 4th, 5th, kids is annoying, is not that surprising.  Here's the thing, I don't want to hear it unless I ASK you.  Often in pregnancy books there are whole sections about "strangers touching your belly."  This is not the problem I have.  People must know not to mess with me.  But, in the last week I've heard "Good luck!" (insert sarcastic tone), "That 3rd one really threw our family off balance" as well as "I don't even remember what that last one weighed/said/ate/drank/etc."  The thought there being that one is too busy with the older children to really care about that last one. 
I am opposed to this idea.  I do not, for one second, believe that this baby's upbringing will be exactly like either of my other two.  But to know me is to know that I document everything and that I'm very present with my children.  I know their birth weights (lbs. AND oz.s), I know their first words, I know the age at which they moved into "big girl beds," and I know when they got potty trained!  I don't forget or act flippant simply because I've done it before...
For example, both girls went to Gymboree once a week with me (starting at 6-9 months) and guess what?...that's the plan again.  Both girls spent the entire first 2 years of their lives at home with me...again, still the plan.  Both girls became fabulous sleepers because of a book I read in every pregnancy and follow almost to a tee...still going to happen.
I do understand that I'm not in control of everything.  If God has another plan, then I will follow it.  But I refuse to think that because I've done the baby/toddler/kid thing before, this time laziness will be sufficient.  It's just not me.  


Laura said...

I'm so with you, I can't believe how many people want to give their unsolicited advice to pregnancy/parenting. The thing I hear the most these days (today included) is that oh, so this is your second... I guess you love the "no sleep thing!" I'm like, uh... this has never been an issue with us, I know that raising a baby goes with a certain territory and if I don't sleep I don't sleep, I don't worry and/or care about that. The other comment I get a lot and drives me insane is that since Lucy was such a good baby, i.e, sleeping through the night, not colicky, etc. that this next one will surely be the most horrible baby that will cry nonstop and make us miserable. Who says that? ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! :)

Anonymous said...

First, Sarah hang in there! I am not a parent and have never been preggers so I don't know what it's like. But in general people always think they know more or better then you do, super frustrating.
@Laura, I didn't know you were pregnant with number 2! Congrats, that's so exciting. Do you know yet what you are having?

Laura said...

Thanks Elisabeth!! No we are keeping it a surprise! With Lucy we were told a boy and found out at birth she was actually a girl haha So we figure we might as well just keep this a surprise, due May 21st :)

Anonymous said...

hey Sarah I remembered how much Alex weighed 7 lb 13 oz...I think my forgetting had more to do with being 60 not him being the 4th...but in general I agree with you no matter how many you have they are each precious and special. You are smart to document everything. This blog will be so nice for them when they are older. Really loved hearing the heartbeat! Thanks for inviting me.
Love ya,

SARAH said...

@Laura-It is crazy what happens when you're pregnant and the hormones do not help one's reactions :) At least that's how it is for me!!
@Elisabeth-I'm hanging in there :)"There are going to be days like this..."
@Sandy-I think the combination of so many people telling me in a matter of days things that weren't entirely positive about having more than 2 kids, just sent me over the edge! I talked to my mom today and she also said she only kind of remembers our birth weights. I responded that in your 50's and 60's I don't think it's info you still need to retain :) I was speaking of mom's of young children... I almost think I'll treasure this baby even more just knowing it's the last. Plus, I'll have lots of time with him/her without Maddie and Gracie around.
@Everyone- I think the biggest thing to remember is that every expectant mother has worries and fears about how the new baby will affect her current family. That's natural. The thing I need the most is encouragement :-)

Dan Nardi said...

Well said. Just not sure you're going to have time to blog when you have number 3.

Sorry, I had to. Love you.

SARAH said...

@Dan-Always a ball-buster :) Love you too!!

chro said...

you know i heart my 3rd!!! i cherish him in a way that is different than #1 and #2. it is all different. i will say this...i still take him to those baby music classes i hate so much BECAUSE i don't want to give him any less than i gave m or j. here's the kicker too...i find myself in those cheesy classes, knowing all the words (because this is my 3rd go-around) and having FUN. so much less self-conscious about everything... oh, and boy do i sympathize with that b-on-wheels thing. you're talking to a woman who flipped someone the bird at 8 mos pregnant. :)

chronicles of momnia said...

uh, that was me before. clicked the send too fast...

Anonymous said...

3rd kids are wonderful and your little guy is so lucky to have a mom like you that already believes in him and knows that birth order is far less important than your love for him.

My 3rd child is SO SPECIAL! She is a wonderful daughter full of energy, love for her husband/family, a great spirit, and committed person. In my mind's eye, I see her as a wonderful little girl with beautiful big brown eyes, and a treasured addition to our family. I dare someone to tell me that I think any less of her or love her less because she was my 3rd child. She is AWESOME!

Does God make your 3rd child differently? Is he any less a miracle? Is he not uniquely made?

Sure, there will be times you may get tired because you have one more child, but you are such an awesome Mom, I know that you will soar with 3!

I love all my kids equally. Our relationships are all different because they are unique people. I'm sure it will be the same with you.

So, as these ding dongs tell you their opinion about birth order, don't waste your energy arguing with them. Just give thanks and pray for the little fella that will be a joy for you and Gabe and our entire family!

Anonymous said...

Whoa, Dad thanks for the compliments. As the third it's so nice to hear!
Love you all,