Saturday, July 10, 2010

Day 110

I need to blog this morning even though there are a hundred things that need getting done before I walk out the door. But, something's been on my mind: comparing. I find myself comparing A LOT.

I compare my skills as a mother, my home, my abilities as a cook, my looks, my family size, name it, I compare it. As I think more about this, I know I'm not alone. It's something we all do at one time or another. But WHY? I don't know about you, but when comparing with others, I almost always end up feeling badly about myself :( So it begs the question that if it's not good for me, why would I continue to do it? Is it a societal thing...women pitted against women? Or is it something deeper? I've been thinking that maybe it's one of those life lessons and once we 'get it' God will move on to teaching us something else. Anyone out there have any good advice for how to get out of the comparison game?

The short anecdote that I can share about why this came to mind has been happening on the spurs of my actually feeling my age; 32. I was around someone recently who is much younger, very pretty, free (as in not a mom that stays home with kids), single, etc. And I couldn't stop my brain from the hamster wheel of comparison. I compared her to me at her age and then I moved on to comparing her to me now. At the end of that solitary mind game, I felt like crap. I felt like a stick-in-the-mud kind of person that only has her kids to talk about it. I felt un-fun. I felt old.

I would love to end this post saying that by now I've gotten over it, but unfortunately I haven't. The truth is that when I'm around my friends (us Mom's) I feel pretty great. I feel like I'm doing a good job with my girls and that I work hard to be a good wife. But, in the face of someone SO different from me, my insecurities came out a'blazin' and it left me feeling my own negative thoughts.

So, this morning I'm off to do my "mom things": feed and dress my children and take them to play with others. I'm feeling good about the day and looking forward to that moment this evening when they walk down the aisle as flower girls in their Aunt's wedding. That will be a shining, proud, Mommy moment and probably just the cure for what ails me!


Anonymous said...

Sarah, I am not sure that I have any real advice except to say that I think everyone compares themselves to one another. And I don't know if this gives you comfort but there are many people who look at your life and think it is absolutely amazing. But rather than resting on how others may feel usually what makes us feel better about anything and in turn helps the world is giving of ourselves. I would bet if you went and gave time or helped someone less fortunate you may see things quite differently. Justin is so good at this, he has taught me a lot.
Love you!

Anonymous said...

Know that you are "fearfully and wonderfully made" and knit together for being who you are right now. Not comparing is easier said than done, but stepping back and taking an eternal perspective reaffirms what's really important in life. And know that you're doing a terrific job with all of your roles even when it overwhelms or when you begin to feel your age. The counterbalance is to count your wisdom as gain and your blessings (health, family, etc.)

There will always be someone younger, smarter, and appearing to have it altogether, but the trouble with appearances is that they are not always true and are often fleeting.

The best cure is to give thanks for what you have right where you are.

SARAH said...

@Anonymous-Psalm 139 is a favorite of mine and the eternal perspective is always one that aludes me. It's the perspective I desire but have the hardest time grasping. I know it to be the truth that I believe but sometimes feelings get the best of us. Thank you for this view. Gratitude is ALWAYS the best attitude! :-)